The Fourths - Funnies

Some funnies sent in by members...

When you don't want a double barrelled surname...

A man boarded an aircraft in New York and took his seat. As he settled in, he noticed a very beautiful woman boarding the plane. He realized she was heading straight towards his seat. Bingo! She took the seat right beside him.

Eager to strike up a conversation, he blurted out, "Business trip or vacation?" She turned, smiled enchantingly and said, "Business. I'm going to the Annual Nymphomaniac Convention in France." He swallowed hard. Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your business role at this convention?" "Lecturer," she responded. "I use my experience to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality." "Really," he smiled, "What myths are those?"

"Well," she explained, "one popular myth is that African American men are the most well endowed when, in fact, it's the Native American

Indian who is most likely to possess that trait.

Another popular myth is that French men are the best lovers, when actually it is the men of Indian descent.

We have found that the best potential lovers in all categories are the Afrikaners."

Suddenly the woman became uncomfortable and blushed. "I'm sorry," she said, "I really shouldn't be discussing this with you; I don't even know your name."

"Running Bear," the man said...."Running Bear Moodley, but my friends call me Frikkie."

What's the definition of the bravest man in the world??

The man who comes home drunk, covered in lipstick and smelling of perfume, then slaps his wife on the backside and says: "You're next, fatty."

Man walks into the bedroom with a sheep under his arm while his wife is lying in bed reading.

Man says: "This is the pig I have sex with when you've got a headache."

Wife replies: "I think you'll find that is a sheep."

Man replies: "I think you'll find I was talking to the sheep."

A man walks into his bedroom and sees his wife packing a suitcase. He asks, "What are you doing?"

She answers, "I'm moving to London. I heard prostitutes there get paid £400 for doing what I do for you for free."

Later that night, on her way out, the wife walks into the bedroom and sees her husband packing his suitcase.

When she asks him where he's going, he replies, "I'm coming too I want to see how you live on £800 a year".

A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected 2 litres of low fat milk, a carton of eggs, 2 litres of orange juice, a head of lettuce, half a dozen tomatoes, a 500g jar of coffee and a 250g pack of bacon. As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier.

While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated," You must be single."

The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single.

She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status.

Curiosity getting the better of her, she said, "Well, you know what, you're absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?"

The drunk replied, "Cos you're ugly."

Q: What's the difference between the Wallabies, the All Blacks and a tea bag?

A: A tea bag stays in the cup longer.

Q: What is the main function of the Wallabies coach?

A: To transport the team from the hotel to the ground.

Q: What's the All Black version of a hat-trick?

A: Conceding three tries in three minutes.

Q: Why don't the Wallabies backline need pre-tour travel injections?

A: Because they never catch anything.

Q: What do the Wallabies, All Blacks and drug addicts have in common?

A: All three spend most of their time wondering where their next score will come from.

Q: What do you have when the All Blacks are buried up to their necks in sand?

A: Not enough sand.

Q: What do you call an Australian at the RWC final?

A: Ref

In the next edition of Chambers dictionary under 'complacent' it reads "New Zealand All Blacks, Australia Wallabies, RWC Quarter final, 2007."

The seven dwarves are down in the mines when there is a cave-in. Snow White runs to the entrance and yells down to them. In the distance a voice shouts out "New Zealand are good enough to win the World Cup." Snow White says "Well at least Dopey's alive!"

Did you hear that the Australian Post Office has had to recall their latest stamps. They had pictures of Wallabies rugby players on them. People couldn't figure out which side to spit on.

Did you hear about the NZ politician who was found dead in an All Black jersey? The police had to dress him up in women's underwear in order to save his family from the embarrassment.

Four surgeons are taking a coffee break. The first one says,

"Accountants are the best to operate on because when you open them up everything inside them is numbered." The second surgeon says, "Nah, librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order." Third surgeon says, "Try electricians everything inside them is colour-coded." The fourth one says, "I prefer Aussie Rugby players. They're heartless, spineless, gutless and their heads and arses are interchangeable."